He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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