Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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