Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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