So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize