Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
