WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
