Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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