Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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