i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize