nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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