Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
