I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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