My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
