??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
