OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
