No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
