My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
