So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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