I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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