Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
