fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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