HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
