I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
