he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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