party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
