i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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