the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
