Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
