Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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