Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
