Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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