Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
there was a trapeze. enough said
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
