You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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