Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
