people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
