hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I need water and some morals
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
