fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
