I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He better not be in your backpack
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
