i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
