omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
