The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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