mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
