Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
