I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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