onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
In America we eat man semen.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
