Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
