I feel great
I just peed on a car
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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