I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
