Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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