sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
