he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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