Define "chronic" masturbator.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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