I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
smell my finger.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
