it hurts more in the daytime
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
