porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
