She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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