ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
