i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
