Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
