I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Randomize
