he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
