He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
