You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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