We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
