Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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