It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The adults are the big ones right?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
