You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
