So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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