i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
