I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
