Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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