Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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