a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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