Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
