Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
