So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
