Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
