i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
