he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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